Pickles

[TweedyChic]

No one writes anything here, so I figured I'd post something. Now that I have my notebook with me, I might just go on a spree. ETA: Am I right in assuming by chat you mean post your own as well? It didn't occur to me until I was rereading the forum desc. that it might not. Oh well, what's done is done!

A/N: I wrote this in Freshman Writing Seminar, during free-time. I was terribly bored, so I asked my friend to give me a word. As you might've guessed, it was pickles. This is the end result. It's comes off a bit weird, but give it a chance. Review and concrit are appreciated, as always.

Pickles by TweedyChic (or Mia)

She sits at the counter, drumming her fingers to the tune of her favorite song. Idly, she wonders whether she left her apartment door unlocked.

Oh well, though luck.

She thinks about the irksome lady on the floor below hers, and figures she might as well enjoy the moment, because the nosy old hag will no doubt have a lecture in store when she gets back, nevermind that it's none of her business.

What kind of neighbor perfoms ritual door checks? Freak.

Gazing up, the woman notices how beat up looking the diner's shelves are. They remind her of her own, the dusty, dirty white that complements her rickety cabinets.

There is a grunt from the waiter, so she looks down to see her burger, appetizing as any greasy slab of meat can be. Bending down, she takes another sip from her Diet Coke, and her mind returns to her apartment, thinking of the lack of hot water in the kitchen and the minor crack in her bedroom ceiling.

She wonders if she should complain to the landlord.

No, better not. I should probably find someone to pay the other half of the rent first.

Someone who doesn't lie, and cheat and put ketchup on everything. Someone who doesn't hold her hand when she's crossing the street and smile crookedly at her with his puppy dog eyes.

And most of all, someone who doesn't insist on buying cucumbers and making his own in rind. That stench will never come out of the carpet.

Frowning, she picks up the burger and bites into it. A sour taste floods her mouth, and she grimaces.

She hates pickles.

[_Lady*Icefall_]

That was cute ;). I like reading present tense, but I can't write it well, and I admire people who can . Heh.

The ending was sweet, tied in with the rest of it perfectly. Really awesome!

~Mia

You've inspired me to try present tense again. . . I'll put it up in a day or two.
_________________
Sleep, love, forever sleep. Your soul the night will keep.

You can always PM me if you need help! I'm not an expert, but I try

[TweedyChic]

Thanks for the feedback. I've always had a problem with switching tenses, but since present tense is usualy mandatory for FWS, it has become a habit. Good luck with you present tense piece.

Oh, and lovely name, lol. Is it a nickname or your given name?

~Tweedy Mia
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Money and women. They're two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else. Same with money. - Satchel Paige

[_Lady*Icefall_]

I'm almost done with my piece... It's hard to remember to stay in one tense.

Mia's my nickname, my given name is Amelia. My younger brothers had a hard time pronouncing Amelia, so they cut it to Mia, and it's still my nickname eleven years later...

~Icefall (Mia)
_________________
Sleep, love, forever sleep. Your soul the night will keep.

You can always PM me if you need help! I'm not an expert, but I try

[GothGirlPup]

i'm evil, mwwwwhhhhhaaaaaa...oh i'm suppose to talk about your work, aren't i. it was good, pointless, but good, and we all know pointless is good, dude, story of my life here. Make more! see i'm innocent i tell you, innocent!!! ::realizes she said that out loud, runs away::
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People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

[Wanderer]

It's wonderful that you can think up something right off the top of your head like that. For me, my stories just come... when I try and sit down and try and think of one i generally end up with, well, trash. Plus, when I do that, it takes me HOURS to do it. Isn't it a wonderful feeling when stories just come into your head, almost fully formed?

[Kat]

I like how you had the italizied thoughts in the middle, but I was a bit disapointed at your use of the word pickles. I felt it should have been tied into the story more tightly. But otherwise it was good.
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miss you most when you are with me

[TweedyChic]

[bubboman]

Interesting basis for a story. And pickles are food. Eatable food. Again, interesting.
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moo ha ha

[Lycaenion]

I think the story was great, I really want to know why she hates the guy
Working with tenses always screw my mind up, especially with flashbacks
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Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path,
and leave a trail.